this nurse Brian is chatty & kind
but honestly not a very good
gurney driver we are narrowly missing
all the obstacles in this hallway
an equipment cart another gurney
a cluster of doctors I am not
laying down flat I am not
sitting upright I am in-between
my upper body tilted at an angle
I cannot tell whether my nausea rising
comes from Brian 3-point-turning
this sharp corner or from
my anesthesia waning
I fix my eyes on the seam
between the wall and the ceiling
it gets close then far away then
close again my throat pulses
my jaw tightens I want
my dreamy haze back I want
that moment when you wake
disoriented sedation just ebbing
throat vaguely sore
wounds on your belly
masked strangers hovering
you wonder how did you get
to this new room you wonder
what’s flowing in your IV
you wonder how much cancer
did they find I want
that moment back my arms
& shoulders & neck felt loose
I loved the chill of ice chips
on my tongue
Originally appeared in Pidgeonholes, March 2023
